Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize