he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
