I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize