I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
