he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
