my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize