Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
