I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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