Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
