you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
