plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
