I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize