I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
