i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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