I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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