A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
