Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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