Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I could make wine with my vomit
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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