I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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