the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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