3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
