Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
