I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
