I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize