And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
