Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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