Quick, to the slutcave!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
