Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
