The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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