so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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