Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How external is "for external use only"?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
