Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize