at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
