I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
