I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The adults are the big ones right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
