She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
