we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
