Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize