The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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