I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
