i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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