please come you make the beer taste better
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Im part way to drunk.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
