You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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