Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
