i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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