Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
