i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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