my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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