my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
