maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
