i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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