your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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