I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
