there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
