a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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