There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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