Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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