giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
