I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
