its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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