do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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