this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
