Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
