Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
