Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
