Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
