Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize